Boundaries often come up in Tarot readings, especially those where the client is unsure of how to proceed or feeling blocked.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundary, noun
A line that marks the limits of an area; a diving line.
A limit of a subject or sphere of activity.
~Oxford Languages via Google
Boundaries define what interactions you are comfortable with in relationships with others. They are barriers we put up to protect ourselves, our integrity, and who we are.
Discover & Setting Your Boundaries
You feel your boundaries when someone is pushing against them. Some of the emotions that arise when this occurs include:
- irritation,
- frustration,
- resentment,
- anger, and
- anxiety
For example, I dislike hugging (or touching) people with whom I am not close. When a hugger comes in for an embrace I immediately feel irritated and anxious. Another boundary I have is having the TV or other noise on for no reason. We vacationed in a shared Hawaiian condo with a couple who turned the TV on first thing in the morning and had it on any time we were in the condo. They weren’t watching it, but it had to be on!
You discover your boundaries when they are pushed, but you can also consciously discover and set boundaries by understanding what is important to you. How you can do this will be an upcoming blog post, but just sitting down and writing down what you value can get you started.
I went through years of anxiety and frustration always accepting board positions in clubs I joined because they needed help and I had the accounting skills. The realization that, while I enjoy working in a group, working as a treasurer or secretary was too much when I was already running two businesses, was liberating.
So look at what is causing you anxiety, frustration, or anger. What boundaries are being overstepped or ignored? Remember that you can overstep your own boundaries!
Once you identify what is important to you, you can set your boundaries. Consider what will happen when someone pushes that boundary.
Protecting Your Boundaries
You protect your boundaries by saying “no”. However, that is a lot easier to say than to do for many people. I’m 54 and am just now feeling comfortable saying it. You have to practice it. You have to mean it. Most of all, you must understand you don’t need to justify saying no to yourself or to anyone else. Let’s say that again, louder:
You don’t need to justify saying no to yourself or to anyone else.
When I say justify, I mean that you don’t need to give a whole story about why you are saying no:
No, I’m not in a place where I can do that.
No, we aren’t available.
No, thank you.
If you feel you need to give a reason, tell the truth. Some friends once asked us if they could stay with us while attending a party for their grandmother. The grandmother actually lived a good 2+ hours away from us due to greater Seattle traffic. This meant they would just be sleeping at our house. We wouldn’t be able to spend time with them. It also wasn’t a good time as we were painting the house. I told them the truth – it would actually be quicker to drive to the party from their own home than stay with us and we were painting the house so things were a mess. They could schedule a time to stay with us when they could actually spend time with us.
Were they a little offended? Yes, at first. It passed. (They realized pretty quickly they’d underestimated the traffic issue.)
This brings us to the subject of respecting other people’s boundaries. When someone says no, accept it graciously and move on. It isn’t about you, it is about their boundaries. You can’t expect your own boundaries to be respected if you won’t respect other people’s boundaries!
Boundary Game Playing
Some people want to be flattered or cajoled into doing something. Not only is this immature, but it is also unhealthy. It is the reason why people of the opposite sex won’t take a “no” seriously. There is an assumption that people want to be pursued. If you mean “no”, say “no”. Don’t play games. And take “no” from other people seriously. Don’t play their game.
Help With Boundaries
Depending on what you need, professional counseling, coaching, or a committed professional Tarot advisor can help you identify your boundaries and help you learn to say “no”.
What Clients are Saying about Sophrosyne Tarot
I was advised to ask open-ended questions instead of predictive questions which I thought was helpful because I never would have known if it weren’t for the reader. The reader provided the reading along with some advice too so the entire reading was very thorough and explained in an understandable manner.
Everything said was accurate and helpful for me to identify my flaws in order to grow as a person. I have learned a lot about tarot and what it does to help me.
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